I Don't Want To Fall To Pieces
by Your Reject All-American
Summary: [SeanEllie One Shot] Sean stayed in Wausaga to find himself, but he's realized that one thing that truely made him a better person was someone he left behind months before.


All I did was blink, I swear, and suddenly she was gone, out of my life forever.Or so I thought, anyway. The look she gave me before jumping in Jay's car seemed to say it all and it tore me up inside.  
The mix of confusion, pain and love was enough to break my straight down the middle.

I was too stubborn to let it show, though. People like me are supposed to be strong. Tough. Independent. Showing emotion just wasn't my thing.

So I threw myself into my work to take my mind off of her. For a while, that worked perfectly…well, almost perfectly.Sure, every once and a while I'd find myself staring at my bedroom ceiling, hitting myself for ever leaving her, but I had to do it.  
I had to re-find myself. I had to make myself a better person.

But what I started to realize as months kept passing me by was that the only way I could completely become better was to be with her again.  
_She_ made me want to change. _She_ made the real me come out before.  
And maybe, just maybe, she'd be willing to make it happen again.

To say the very least, going back to what I used to call my home was weird.  
I managed to do it without running into anyone from Degrassi, but that didn't mean I wouldn't.  
What if she'd already moved on to someone else? Started living with someone else? Forgot all about me?

I suppose I wouldn't blame her. I did leave her hanging in that old apartment, but what else could I do?  
I couldn't take care of her the way she needed to be.

The way she _deserved _to be. And I wanted her to know that, but once I was outside her door and knocking, I forgot everything I wanted to say.

"Just a minute!" I heard from behind the door, along with some shuffling and running around.  
It was a few moments before I heard locks being messed around with and the doorknob creaking slightly as it was turned.

"Ash, I---" she started, but stopped herself the moment our eyes locked.  
Her mouth was open slightly and it looked like she wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words.  
She looked almost exactly the same as when I left her. Just as beautiful and just as confused.

"Ellie, before you say anything," I said after a minute or two of silence, "I need you to hear me out" I pleaded. She relaxed a little and nodded, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

"I was stupid. I hurt you and I never meant to, but leaving was the only thing I could think to do. I wasn't trying to run away from anything or any_one_, I swear. I just needed to find myself…I needed to change and I have" I insisted quietly, my eyes never leaving hers.

She was silent for a good, solid minute before she stepped aside and said, "Come in"

I smiled gratefully and walked in, taking a seat on the couch. She closed the door and followed close behind me, taking a seat right next to me.  
She glanced at me thoughtfully, as though she were trying to figure out my reason for being here; wondering if I had ulterior motives. I couldn't really blame her; this _was_ pretty out of the blue.

I sat patiently and waited for everything to sink in, knowing once she'd settled herself she'd come out swinging. And I had every intention of letting her hit me.

"I've barely heard from you in months" she started off softly, "Why are you just showing up now?"

I sighed, "I told you. I needed to find myself. I needed to change. Become a better person" I explained, pausing before quietly admitting, "For you"

She laughed bitterly. "For me? How does that even _begin_ to make sense? You left me all alone with this apartment and all these reminders of you without any warning. Didn't you think I'd be hurt? Didn't you wonder how I'd manage without help? Did you even care?" she asked, her voice raising with every question.

"Of course I cared!" I exclaimed angrily, getting up off the couch and standing over her slightly.

"I've _always_ cared about you!" I continued, pacing around the tiny living room. "If I hadn't left, nothing would have been able to get better! I would have still been the same screw up I always was! I did this for you, whether you want to believe it or not!" I shouted, looking straight in her eyes. She looked hurt and a little scared. I'd gone too far.

_Nice going, Cameron_, I chided. I exhaled gently and walked back over towards her.

"Ellie?" I asked, once again taking my seat next to her. She looked up meekly, as though she were afraid I was going to go off on her again. "Do you remember when I first asked you to move in with me?"

She nodded, "Yeah"

"And do you remember what I said to you?" I asked, even though I was almost positive she wouldn't. And when she put her head down, I assumed she was just racking her brain.

I was about to speak when she looked back up at me. I was shocked to find that she had tears in her eyes.

"You told me I should move in with you because you loved me," she paused and drew in a shakey breath, "But obviously that changed, Sean. You _left_ me…You didn't want me"

Her voice was almost inaudible by the time she was done, but I'd heard her. And it hurt me more deeply than when I made the choice of staying in Wausaga Beach to hear her say that. I shook my head and placed my hand over hers.

"Don't say that, Ellie" I pleaded quietly.

She moved her hand away from mine and got up, making her way towards the door.

She opened it and said, while looking at the wall, "If that's all…" she trailed off, her tone making it clear that she wanted me gone.

I walked slowly to her and stood in front of her. "I'm not leaving, Ellie" I told her firmly. "I made that mistake already. I won't do it again"

"You don't live here anymore and I want you to leave" she persisted, her eyes looking anywhere but in mine.

I took a step closer to her. "I…I can't do that" I told her gently.

She scoffed. "Obviously you can" she said pointedly.

I shook my head and placed my hand on her cheek. Her eyes finally met mine.

"Not this time. Not _ever_." I promised her.

A tear ran down her cheek and she looked up at the ceiling, trying to blink away the rest of them. "How do I know I can trust you?" she asked desperately as her eyes moved from the ceiling to the floor. She sniffled and looked back up at me.  
By then, I already had a few tears in my eyes.

I flashed her a small smile and told her what I'd wanted to tell her since I first walked in the door.

"Because I love you" I told her bravely. "I never stopped. And maybe I don't deserve a second chance, but I'm asking for one anyway"

The apartment fell silent once again, only this time the tension melted away. I found myself closing the door to the apartment, but I was still on the inside and Ellie was right where she belonged.

In my arms, and that's where she was going to stay.


End file.
